By Brian Adams
Writing a prize-winning play, spending every week doing not anything yet construct Lego buildings, and sinking all his reductions into wildly impractical money-making schemes - those are only a few result of the sessions of excessive artistic strength Brian Adams has skilled all through his grownup lifestyles. As a patient of bipolar ailment, Brian Adams has been hospitalized numerous instances with debilitating melancholy and passed through electrical surprise therapy, and received and misplaced eleven jobs. This account offers an perception into the way it feels to adventure bipolar ailment.
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Extra resources for The Pits and the Pendulum: A Life with Bipolar Disorder
How close have I been to topping myself ? Once I was so crazed that I thought I had just done it and that back in the byre the physical me hung from a rope. But how close have I really been to the act: a year away or five minutes, a wrong word, a crisis? A just too unpleasant thought, a final, unshakeable, gut-twisting flashback? The problems of suicide, always the same ones, run through my mind like an endless tape: the effect it would have on family and friends; how to do it properly; how to minimize the unpleasantness for everybody.
Centuries of human beings have experienced this despair in the hells of slavery, imprisonment, persecution and abuse. Although I experience it from a warm bed, I still, nevertheless, experience it. When my heart sinks at the prospect of another day of being me, I am usually in a condition in which wherever I go I view all high fittings from the point of view of their ability to hold a rope with me at the end of it. Whether this means I am suicidal or obsessed with suicide, and whether there is a difference, I do not know.
Maybe it was always going to be that way. When I first started the transport supervisor used me for holiday cover. Twice he allocated me to rural rounds but when I went looking for the vansmen I discovered that they were on their mid-week day off. I liked the sound of that – on the city rounds you only got a half-day off during the week. The first time this happened other (highly amused) vansmen took time off from loading their pies and cream buns to introduce me into the ways of that sixties Co-opie.
The Pits and the Pendulum: A Life with Bipolar Disorder by Brian Adams